if you don't ask, you won't get...

It’s now a new year and already people are well on their way to making and breaking their new year’s resolutions.

Here I am sitting at my laptop in dusty, little old Gympie at the start of 2012 and it makes me wonder how I got here and also of where I was last year. Of how its nearly a year since I moved back to Aus and all the experiences and adventures which have led up to now.

Rather than make a list of resolutions, I decided to make a list. The big list. My 100 list. The things I want to do before I die list, just to put life in perspective.

The whole of 2011 I wanted to be happier, healthier, less stressed and generally have a better balance in my life. But I never thought to plan for it or better yet, ask for it.

I didn’t make it a priority or even have it in front of me as something that not only I wanted to achieve but something that I could achieve.

In fact all my travel has been incidental. Things I have just wanted to do and done. Not part of a any deeper desire other than to just to see and experience the world.

So while making the 100 list I was tempted to put things on there I had already done, which technically would look very impressive on a bucket list, but I decided instead to list the 100 things I want to do and look forward.

It’s easy to look back and think wow, I really did run with bulls in Spain and make it alive into the arena, throw tomatoes at strangers in Valencia and drink a stein at Oktoberfest. I’ve swum on the Amalfi Coast, driven through Tuscan hill sides, ice-skated in central park (a huge list ticker for me), hot air ballooned over the valley of the kings and held a cobra. All experiences which have made me who I am today. All things you look forward to, but once they are done, they are done. You are left enriched by the experience but it leaves room for something else. And all that’s left then is the enduring question of what’s next?

With life as fleeting and unpredictable as it is, I’ve decided to make sure I make the most of it. So in no particular order here is what’s next:

1)      Skydive and land on the beach

2)      Go great white shark diving

3)      Go for a ride in a classic car in Cuba, smoking a Cuban cigar and sipping Havana rum

4)      Pose nude for an Art class and keep a copy of one of the works

5)      Compete in a triathlon

6)      Spend a week in silence

7)      Do a burlesque course/class and learn the art of tease

8)      Go zorbing

9)      Find and complete my family tree – including visiting my family’s town of origin in Tipperary, Ireland

10)   Bungee jump into water

11)   Do volunteer work at an AIDS orphanage in Africa

12)   Visit the wonders of the world I want to see:  (Petra, Great Wall of China, Christ Redeemer, Macchu Picchu and Taj Mahal )

13)   Own a Queenslander home with my own veggie patch, lemon and lime tree

14)   Spend the fourth of July in America

15)   Spend a week in Rio celebrating carnevale

16)   Do a rock climbing holiday in spain

17)   Visit Auchwitz to honour the lives lost there

18)   Complete an art class/course and complete a work to hang on my wall (that looks decent!)

19)   Eat the worm from a tequila bottle in Mexico

20)   Have guacamole in Guatemala

21)   Walk barefoot over coals

22)   See a grizzly bear in the wild

23)   Touch a glacier

24)   Take a hula lesson in Hawaii

25)   Stand on the edge of a volcano and see and smell the lava

26)   See and chase a tornado

27)   Lasso someone while riding a horse in Texas

28)   Save a life

29)   See a polar bear in the wild

30)   Take a picnic basket to Yellowstone national park and look for yogi and boo boo

31)   Play roulette and take a bet on 16 in Vegas

32)   Play a hand of blackjack in Vegas and tell the dealer to ‘hit me’

33)   Spend time at a hippie commune with nothing but the clothes on my back

34)   Go and dance at a silent disco

35)   Perform in a public play

36)   Go skinny dipping in the Bahamas

37)   Spend a week in a nunnery

38)   Run in a marathon – Ultimate would be NYC

39)   Spend a night sleeping above water in a glass bottomed villa in the Maldives

40)   Trek the Inca Trail to Macchu Picchu

41)   Spend a night in a haunted house in New Orleans

42)   Enter a fire twirling competition

43)   Go to Glastonbury

44)   Spend a night in a real native American tee pee

45)   Go to Vietnam and see the victims of war and enter a Vietcong tunnel

46)   Do an intuition course/study to improve understanding of my own intuitive abilities

47)   Visit and trek to Everest base camp

48)   Learn to ski for the first time and complete a run without falling

49)   Swim with a whale shark

50)   See the northern lights in Alaska

51)   Watch an AFL match live

52)   Go see a baseball match in Boston and walk the diamond

53)   Go see a Chicago bulls basketball match

54)   See Beckham score a goal live

55)   Pat a reindeer

56)   Feed a crocodile

57)   Learn to play the viola and play at least one song

58)   Take tango lessons

59)   Dance Cuban salsa with Cubans in Havana

60)   See a Tucan close up

61)   See a live American grid iron match

62)   Fly first class

63)   Touch a lion

64)   Pat a giant tortoise in the Galapagos Islands

65)   Drop a message in a bottle into the ocean containing a secret no one else knows

66)   Write and finish a book

67)   Become a published author

68)   Do an African safari and fall asleep listening to hyenas and lions in the night

69)   Be a vegan for a week

70)   Meet a cannibal

71)   Have my photography displayed in a gallery exhibition or published

72)   Act out a line from a favourite song

73)   Experience in NYC in Autumn and Spring

74)   Be vegetarian for a month

75)   Take a boat up the amazon river

76)   Go whale watching

77)   Attend the mardi gras festival in new Orleans

78)   Go quad biking

79)   Blindfold myself and throw a dart at a map and go to the place it lands

80)   Spend a night in an igloo

81)   Go swimming with seals

82)   Have a full Canadian breakfast in Canada

83)   Change a strangers life for the better and ask for nothing in return

84)   Streak at a sporting match

85)   Do the Kokoda Trail

86)   Get a dog of my own and raise it from a puppy

87)   See Ayers Rock

88)   Say Yes to everything for one whole week

89)   Do an epic cross country road trip (US/Aus/ Wherever!)

90)   Join the Mile High club

91)   Pilot a plane

92)   Read every single classic (100 in the NY Times Classic List and The Modern Library’s English Literature list)

93)   Go white water rafting

94)   See Ayer’s Rock

95)   Hang glide off a mountain/valley

96)   See mountain gorillas in the wild

97)   Visit Nepal

98)   See Lake Louise in Spring and Fall

99)   Fly over the grand canyon

100)    Ask a stranger on the street out on a date

countryness is next to goodliness

a few pics taken out and about in country land.. came across this abandoned shack/house/homeless hovel and took a few pics. It was completely overgrown with vegetation in the middle of nowhere..



isolation at its best..

playing with movement..

interesting grafitti..

roughing it...

an interestingly named spot on sunshine coast..

A waitress's guide to surviving Christmas..

I can’t honestly remember the last time I waitressed during the festive season. I was in Uni and it was a bit of a blur. So working the tables and customers in the lead up to Christmas has been a bit of an eye opener. In fact, it can sometimes drive you downright crazy. So I’ve put together some tips for those who want to survive it with your sanity intact.

1)      Don’t resist it – embrace it. Yes the silly festive earrings, tinsel and funny Christmas hair clips look dorky in public but everyone else at the restaurant is wearing it and if you don’t you do so at your own peril. You face daily repeated questions of ‘How come you aren’t in the festive spirit? Don’t you like Christmas? And the dreaded – ‘Smile, its Christmas’ comment. Wear the red and green it will make it all better.

2)      If you think Christmas brings out the best in everyone you are wrong. I’m no humbug, I love Christmas and being with family. But let’s face it, most families have a freak flag and the only thing worse than waving this flag at home, is waving it in public in front of a waitress who is trying to do her job. So don’t be fooled, people will be on their worst, most impatient, impossible behaviour. They will complain about meals which two weeks ago they loved and they certainly won’t feel the need to give you a tip, unless it’s that you should perhaps consider weightwatchers when you can’t fit behind their chair. I do not kid. It’s the second time I’ve heard that very phrase this week.

3)     Don’t get into the habit of wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. It will become soul destroying. Especially if you say it to the freak flag families who think it’s fine to let their 8 month old play on the restaurant floor and pull poo from its nappy and wipe it on the tablecloths. Reserve the phrase for only when you mean it.

4)      Getting drunk at Christmas time is fun. Except when you are the one who has to take a drunken someone’s order. They order things they don’t mean to, which lead to epic faulty tower type situations in where I run in and out of the kitchen fleeing swearing chefs and customers who are on their third bottle of wine. Or a real highlight is finding the surprise that many patrons leave in the bathroom by way of a parting gift for all the wine they’ve consumed. Very festive I’m sure you’ll agree.

5)      Old people aren’t fun at Christmas. I hope this doesn’t sound ageist but it’s true. Many start to realise that their time is running out, they feel vulnerable, abandoned and lonely, their illness is catching up with them, their sons/daughters or grandchildren don’t do enough for them and they are angry at the world in general. So they either decide to tell you their woeful life story complete with box of tissues and puppy eyes, vent their frustrations at the waitress serving them their meal or they get drunk. Most opt for the drunk option. This lot also tend to have a penchant for bottom patting and pinching  every time you walk their way.  Contrary to what they might think this is by no means the highlight to my day. All seniors who try this on get my tested and tried phrase ‘Watch out, I bite.”

6)      The only highlight is perhaps the staff or colleagues you endure this raft of unfriendliness with. The laughing at the Camilla Parker Bowles look –a-likes, the giggling at the man with spinach in his teeth that keeps winking at you and the slices of fruit cake from the lovely old dear who brings festive goodies for her favourite waitresses makes it bearable.

7)      And of course there are the good customers, the ones who apologise for being late, for bringing five extra people to their 10 people booking or for the mess they’ve made of their meal and floor and the drunkenness of one of their party.

 

8)      And of course, the reason its ok, is because despite all the downsides, I share more laughter then frowns throughout the day. And at the end, I get to go home and raise my own freak flag and forget about the day. No stress. No responsibility except the blind happiness in that  tomorrow really is another day, that and new year’s is only a few weeks away..

Xx

J

good scary vs bad scary..

It’s odd the way one week or even one day can change everything. Just a week ago I was happy with my little 15 year old ‘fanny’ the ford festiva. She worked, yes she was bit rough around the edges and had a slight doggy scent from multiple trips to the beach with sir paddy but it suited me fine.

But insert a mechanic, his so called psychic predictions and a potential future invoice following a routine service and poof, everything changed.

Facing a $2,000 bill for bits and pieces to make her roadworthy again I was faced with a dilemma. When she actually became un-roadworthy is unclear although many friends will claim she’s been that way for a while.  

My options were  either a) suck it up, trade in fanny and erase my debt free existence by getting a used car loan b) pay the invoice and cross my fingers she didn’t start falling apart in dribs and drabs as the mechanic foresaw in his oil change c) sell her and just borrow mum’s car.

Let’s face it option c) wasn’t really an option. I need my independence so I bit the bullet and went for the car loan so I could get a reliable car so that my main worries would be what to wear on weekends away to Brisbane rather than on the rocking, bucking or knocking of my car or the chance of a tyre blow out en route.

But within two days, the search for a second hand, newishy car somehow took a turn blindly down new car boulevard and I found myself with keys in hand for a car with a genuine new car smell, not one with those fake perfume tree ones.

This well and truly threw me into the good scary vs bad scary territory. Everyone knows this space. The scary zone that forces you to make big changes and take a leap or at the very least a little step of faith.

We’ve all been there. Where something is just out of reach and you can take a leap and do it, or turn down a familiar path and shy away from the challenge. It’s scary, but not in a serial killer type of way and when you finally take that leap, nothing feels better than landing on the other side.

It’s in these choices you find out what you are really made of. Like when one morning you wake up next to a partner of many years and decide being ok, is not enough, you want to be happy every day, or when you’ve taken one too many demeaning insults from a boss or colleague or have been putting off the next adventure because it falls too much into unknown territory. That’s when it’s time for a taste of the good scary.

As I questioned how I even got into spot in the first place it made me think of the last year in general. And while it’s definitely had its low and high points, I’m proud to declare that it seems to have been a year of good scary.

-Moving from London back to Aus after three years away which didn’t include a single visit home – check

- Choosing a job with a new start up business over an established corporation and another business – definitely check on the good scary

- Choosing to flat share with a range of odd, manic depressive, anally retentive and at times psychotic flatmates – a mixture of good and bad scary

- Deciding to chuck it all in for a move to the country – check

- Above all else moving in with the parentals after seven years of freedom – check – and this had the potential to be bad scary, however has turned out to be a good scary in many ways

So with the end of 2011 now in sight, I can look back on the year as one that took a bit of courage, a bit of blind faith with eyes screwed tightly shut and also quite a few deep breaths.

I can’t tell anyone how much I’ve pondered over and over the number of paths I could have, should have and might have taken this year but I’ve decided to put all those ifs and buts in a box and post it to the north pole where it can stay in a deep freeze.

Right now all that matters is I’m where I am and where I’m going. The most I know at this point is my mode of transport is a spiffy white new car with the number plate – SAE.

An acronym for ‘Seek and endure’… perhaps?

Til next time

X

J

Pick a line, any line

I’m one of those people who loves classic, memorable lines. Some people collect them from films, songs or movies. For me, there’s only really ever been one medium. The printed word.

So I suppose to stands to reason that as I tap away writing this tortuous book that is taking so much of my energy, time and focus that I keep coming back to the lines and books that have stayed with me well after the last page is read.

I love those lines when first read that have the ability to illicit a laugh, provoke thought or simply make you sigh. I know its ambitious to hope that maybe one day my book will be home to one or two or perhaps a couple of these lines. The type that make a person put down the book and just be still. For a moment or two to absorb what they just read.

It’s not just the classics that are home to these lines, but new modern favourites as well. So with these in mind I’ve decided to include below some of my all-time favourite lines from books which have changed  or shaped my perspective, made me cry, made me laugh and ones I have simply just enjoyed.

This is just a sample of some of the top ones. Many more out there and feel free to share any you have

X

J

“The first thing you should know is that I’m a whore. I don’t mean that in a glib way. I’m not using the word as an analogy for working from a desk or toiling away in new media. Many of my friends will tell you how temping for a year or ending up in sales is equivalent to prostitution. It’s not. I know this because I’ve been a temp and I’ve fucked for money and they are in no way similar. Not even the same planet. Different solar systems all together.” – Belle de Jour

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. - Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)

“If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it."
- Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights, Ch. 9

“Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears. In the end that's all there is: love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end that's all we have - to hold on tight until the dawn” - Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram

“It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to be in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured.” - Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram

“I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right”. – Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

“The African girl they locked up in the immigration detention center, poor child, she never really escaped.” – Chris Cleave, The Other Hand

“But better to be hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie”. – Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

“Like a compass needle that points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman. Always.” - Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns

“Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.”  - Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns

“Love is like breathing, you take it in and let it out.” ― Wally Lamb, She's Come Undone

“I think... the secret is to just settle for the shape of your life takes...Instead of you know, always waiting and wishing for what might make you happy.” ― Wally Lamb, She's Come Undone

But what are our stories if not the mirrors we hold up to our fears?” ― Wally Lamb, I Know This Much Is True

“I didn't know that it was right to love her. I just loved her.” – Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer

“Everything I know and I am and I have seen felt done past present past now then before now seen felt done hurt felt focus into a something beyond words and it speaks now and it says.
Stay.
Fight.
Live.
Take it.”
― James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

“Be content with what you have and take joy in the way things are. When you realize you have all you need, the World belongs to you.”
― James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

“Sometimes skulls are thick. Sometimes hearts are vacant. Sometimes words don't work. ”
― James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

“You could have not me the offer of you hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it; I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.” – Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“Life isn't about what happens to you, it's about how you handle what happens.” - Nicholas Evans, 'The Smoke Jumper'

“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.” - Lemony Snicket

“Life is pain. Anybody that says different is selling something.” -Fezzik's mother, The Princess Bride

“Not all who wander are lost.” - J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

“All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.” - Animal Farm, George Orwell

“I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.” – Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights

“Always throw spilled salt over your left shoulder. Keep rosemary by your garden gate. Add pepper to your mashed potatoes. Plant roses and lavender, for luck. Fall in love whenever you can.” - Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic