I can’t honestly remember the last time I waitressed during the festive season. I was in Uni and it was a bit of a blur. So working the tables and customers in the lead up to Christmas has been a bit of an eye opener. In fact, it can sometimes drive you downright crazy. So I’ve put together some tips for those who want to survive it with your sanity intact.
1) Don’t resist it – embrace it. Yes the silly festive earrings, tinsel and funny Christmas hair clips look dorky in public but everyone else at the restaurant is wearing it and if you don’t you do so at your own peril. You face daily repeated questions of ‘How come you aren’t in the festive spirit? Don’t you like Christmas? And the dreaded – ‘Smile, its Christmas’ comment. Wear the red and green it will make it all better.
2) If you think Christmas brings out the best in everyone you are wrong. I’m no humbug, I love Christmas and being with family. But let’s face it, most families have a freak flag and the only thing worse than waving this flag at home, is waving it in public in front of a waitress who is trying to do her job. So don’t be fooled, people will be on their worst, most impatient, impossible behaviour. They will complain about meals which two weeks ago they loved and they certainly won’t feel the need to give you a tip, unless it’s that you should perhaps consider weightwatchers when you can’t fit behind their chair. I do not kid. It’s the second time I’ve heard that very phrase this week.
3) Don’t get into the habit of wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. It will become soul destroying. Especially if you say it to the freak flag families who think it’s fine to let their 8 month old play on the restaurant floor and pull poo from its nappy and wipe it on the tablecloths. Reserve the phrase for only when you mean it.
4) Getting drunk at Christmas time is fun. Except when you are the one who has to take a drunken someone’s order. They order things they don’t mean to, which lead to epic faulty tower type situations in where I run in and out of the kitchen fleeing swearing chefs and customers who are on their third bottle of wine. Or a real highlight is finding the surprise that many patrons leave in the bathroom by way of a parting gift for all the wine they’ve consumed. Very festive I’m sure you’ll agree.
5) Old people aren’t fun at Christmas. I hope this doesn’t sound ageist but it’s true. Many start to realise that their time is running out, they feel vulnerable, abandoned and lonely, their illness is catching up with them, their sons/daughters or grandchildren don’t do enough for them and they are angry at the world in general. So they either decide to tell you their woeful life story complete with box of tissues and puppy eyes, vent their frustrations at the waitress serving them their meal or they get drunk. Most opt for the drunk option. This lot also tend to have a penchant for bottom patting and pinching every time you walk their way. Contrary to what they might think this is by no means the highlight to my day. All seniors who try this on get my tested and tried phrase ‘Watch out, I bite.”
6) The only highlight is perhaps the staff or colleagues you endure this raft of unfriendliness with. The laughing at the Camilla Parker Bowles look –a-likes, the giggling at the man with spinach in his teeth that keeps winking at you and the slices of fruit cake from the lovely old dear who brings festive goodies for her favourite waitresses makes it bearable.
7) And of course there are the good customers, the ones who apologise for being late, for bringing five extra people to their 10 people booking or for the mess they’ve made of their meal and floor and the drunkenness of one of their party.
8) And of course, the reason its ok, is because despite all the downsides, I share more laughter then frowns throughout the day. And at the end, I get to go home and raise my own freak flag and forget about the day. No stress. No responsibility except the blind happiness in that tomorrow really is another day, that and new year’s is only a few weeks away..
Xx
J
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